One For the Team
by thevigilante15
Summary: House searches within himself and others to find the answers to the question: why was Amber on the bus? spoilers, speculation from House's Head and beyond included along with Huddy and Wilson angst!
1. Chapter 1

**One for the Team**

**Chapter 1-intro**

By Tammy Kushnir aka the vigilante15

**Disclaimer: I do not own House. wipes tears**

**Contains spoilers and speculation throughout story including House's Head and beyond Italics are the characters' thoughts.**

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Surreal.

House opened his eyes. Pulsating lights and embedded glass caused the throbbing in his head to resonate above the memories trying to resurface.

_Amber._

One word…one name…._why didn't I see it earlier_? House gazed into the light. _The light at the end of the tunnel…._

He stretched out his hand in one last ditch effort to save the woman he had tried so desparately to remember to solve the puzzle. _Solve the puzzle for whom? Himself?_ _Wilson? The greater mystery was still at large…_

Through unbearable agony, House continued to seek the truth. _Amber…. Keep repeating _

_it before the concussion sets in…_

His leg is on fire. Hands are scraping against shattered glass….grazing along shattered lives…He is almost there, but he can feel the truth becoming more elusive. _God, no, please stay with me…so cold…alone_

He reaches the end of the make shift tunnel. The light doesn't seem so warm and inviting anymore. Chaos ensues outside. People …_the walking dead_…are waiting for help. _There is no one to help us…things will never be the same…._ House stares blankly at the

paramedic before him shining lights in his unreflective eyes. _Keep looking maybe you will find something…. _

House keeps hearing the phrase "are you hurt" but he can't seem to answer. Maybe he is maybe he isn't. Perhaps it is not in the way the paramedic means. _There are so many ways to hurt._

House, lost in the words and names trying to make peace with his memories, barely feels the other man gently wipe the blood off of his hands. House looks to the dry blood that cakes his flesh. and a different sort of fear takes over. _It's not mine….but it is someone's… someone of value…_He trembles slightly_. All life is valuable._

He can no longer comprehend what just happened. His head continues to throb and thinking causes nothing but pain. He needed to distract himself until he heals. _Distractions…._

He heads toward the one place of familiarity, safety even. He no longer hears the wailing of the ambulance as he edges toward relief. He doesn't get far. Something stops him. Images? Flashes of the truth. For the first time since he crawled out of the bus he feels lighter…freer…._relief can come in many ways…._

House continues to the edge of the darkness. He feels life trying to crawl into his lungs. It is beautiful and blissful but not completely satisfying. Images of lips and women race through his mind. Sensations ..pressure…pound through his body. Do I want this? _Please keep your life…I want nothing of it anymore_….

House gazed up to the sky as the light started to filter into his eyes clearer than before. _It seems I do not have a choice. Too much to tell…._

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Come on yours stubborn bastard

. Cuddy was not giving up. Her soft lips continued to graze his. She remembered time when these lips returned the gesture. Wilson's pounding was shocking…jolting his body_. Please, House…stay with me…you are so cold… _

Wilson's pounding broke through. Beautiful blue eyes fluttered open and the smallest of whimpers escaped his lips. His eyes…_the pain he feels is enormous….I can see into his soul….the weak seeing into the strong_….

"Amber."

Cuddy feels her heart fall. He keeps saying Amber's name over and over_. I know it has meaning but all Wilson can see is lust. Where is there lust? I see fear…such horrible_ _fear in his eyes_…

House breaths the cruel air through his battered and abused lungs, each time begging for it to be his last. He feels his head being cradled with warm soft hands…familiar hands…._strong hands holding the weak.._

House can see Wilson's eyes, denial, _a bit of fear perhaps? Wondering …always wondering…questioning him and his motives….faith is gone…I have no right to ask it anymore…._

House breathed gently as the words "drug induced fantasy "crossed Wilson's lips . _He says it with disgust at an attempt to be lighthearted. A light heart…a beating heart…still beating…. I wish it were true….God, Wilson…I hope it is true…. _

"She was with me." _Why?_

Wilson's eyes questions his integrity_. I question my own_.

"She's dying." _There is nothing else to say._

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Love to know what you think! Please review. I so hope that House did not have an affair with Amber, but I guess we will see. This chapter was basically a recap of what I think House might have been thinking during House's Head. Next chapter will focus on Amber, Wilson, House and of course Huddy and House look into his past and future !! References might be made to Fumble Unto Me (a past story I wrote) but not necessary to read before this one. Hope you liked! Reviews please…pretty please? Need reviews to write more...


	2. Chapter 2

One For the Team

**One For the Team **

**Chapter 2**

**Disclaimer: I do not own House. Italics are the character's thoughts.**

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He's lying.

Wilson's teary eyes emitted nothing but sorrow masked in rage. House tried his best to return the gaze. Any look he bestowed to Wilson was taken the wrong way. _He thinks I'm lying._

House struggled against Cuddy to sit up. He could feel the slightest pressure of her hands against his bruised chest.

"House, please, take it easy."

House pulled himself up and stared into Wilson's eyes. "Go to her."

Whatever rage dwelled in his being _and against who_ didn't matter at this time. _Take care of Semantics later…didn't House tell me something like that while under hypnosis? _

Wilson stood up while the rest of the bus cleared a path for him. There was no word …no mention of goodbye. House closed his tired blue eyes. _This is the first of many I fear…._

"Alright, enough drama. Shouldn't you people be working?"

Cuddy's voice hurt House's head but he didn't care. He let his head fall back to the floor as he gazed up into her face. Flashes of her strip tease played back in his mind… _any distraction will do…_He allowed a small smile to grace his lips.

Cuddy kept her eyes on the nurses and doctors exiting the bus. She could feel her heart pounding all the while as the shock reeled in. _What the hell just happened here?_ She turned to gaze at the constant cause of her beating heart. His eyes were closed. She saw his boyish smile and pushed a strain of dark hair behind her ear. She reached up absentmindedly caressing his cheek. His grin grew larger.

"You really scared us." _You really scared me._

House opened his eyes. There were so sad even though his smile. Cuddy could only imagine what he had witnessed_. So much pain for one man to take in his life….more than he will ever let on. _

House waggled his eyebrows seductively at Cuddy. "Finally alone are we Cuddles. The things I have to say and do to get some peace and quiet around here." Cuddy gave him a stern look. House started to pull himself up as Cuddy pushed him back down. _Too opposing pressures can only end one way._ House braced his head for impact but it never came. Cuddy braced his fall with a gentle hand. In the tug of war, she had lost. Cuddy was inches from House's face. Her body was lying on top of his chest. She began to squirm when he winced ever so slightly. She realized that the bruising he had endured from Wilson's pounding fists was hurting more than he let on yet he wouldn't let her go. His breath felt warm and God his eyes…._my biggest weakness_…._His hand is_ _reaching up to me_. House's features softened as he allowed his hand to run through Cuddy's curls

"Thank you," His voice was so soft as he looked into her. He swallowed hard. _I can barely say it above a whisper._

Now it was Cuddy's turn to smile. "You're welcome." He turned his head away and Cuddy knew the moment had ended. She sighed and backed off_. I am always pulling away because that is what you want….isn't it?_

With an outstretched hand and a welcoming arm, Cuddy helped House to his feet.

"Since you're so grateful to me for saving your life, swear to me that you will never pull a stunt like that again."

House ran his slender fingers over his rumpled jacket smoothing out intentional wrinkles.

"I wasn't thanking you for saving my life. I was thanking you for the strip tease you gave me earlier. "

With a chuckle and a push to the side Cuddy was left on her own. _One can only wonder with that man. _

* * *

House took careful steps off the bus. The bus of horrors in more ways than one…. He breathed a sigh. _Hell I can breathe….I should be grateful to be able to breathe at all._ He tried his best to relax. Being so close to Cuddy had woken him up in more ways than one. He owed her more than he could ever repay. He owed her his life. He felt another arm slip into his. He damned his own weakness but he knew he needed help The two began the walk to the hospital.

Cuddy deliberately took it slow which only seemed to irritate House. further

"Last time I checked Cuddy I didn't have a shell on my back."

Cuddy grinned feigning happiness for his sake _and mine_. "I just want you to be careful."

House gave a mock laugh "Me? I laugh in the face of danger. HAHA! "

House kept his gaze on Cuddy as he tried to be humorous. _God she was beautiful she can't know the fear…the pain…no one can._ Maybe it was the action of trying to protect himself or just the need for release but House began to feel his body betray him again. Panic began to fill his mind and he felt his chest tighten in response. Cuddy looked over to him and noticed his breaths quickening.

"House? House are you Ok?" House tried to nod, but at the same time a cramp came up in his leg causing him to drop to his knee in the middle of the parking lot.

"Oh, God." He bit his lip as the pain seared through his thigh. Flashes of Amber's fresh pain made him bite his lip even harder. _Amber… why do I care? Why was she with me? _

"House…" He looked into Cuddy's eyes. _Cuddy hasn't left yet. Maybe when she finds out what I did…when I find out what I did…could change everything._

He nodded avoiding her intense gaze. _Do not pity me. I deserve no compassion_ _especially from you._ He pulled his leg up with all of his might to stand erect_. Like a true man…a whole man… one who is worthy…._

House's relaxed his breathing. The attack had subsided_. What is becoming of me?_

"A panic attack?" House licked his lips and said nothing. He didn't have to. Her expression was enough. He flinched at the touch of her hand in his and she backed off_. I am always pulling away from her…is it what she wants? _

"Let's get the hell out of here." For once Cuddy had to agree with him as she helped him to her car.

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Please review. They make my day.

**While it is highly unusual for me to post two chapters the same day, here it is. Hope you enjoy!**

**Up next Wilson and House confront each other.**


	3. Chapter 3

**One For the Team**

**Chapter 3**

**Disclaimer: I do not own House.**

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House held his head_. God even the sound of a door closing is agony_. He opened one eye weakly and gazed at his captor.

"So why am I _**not**_ in a hospital again?"

Cuddy glared at him. "Why do you think?"

House frowned. "Are you that cruel? Do you _**want **_me to die because I will you know if you don't admit me."

A flicker of emotion grazed Cuddy's features. _The thought has crossed my mind…but not on my watch._

"You are not dying. Besides you would never sit still in a hospital."

House ran his hand over the sweat forming on his forehead trying to be flirtatious. "That's why bondage was invented…"

The comment lost its vitality as his voice trailed off. Cuddy felt nothing flow through her veins except fear. _What have I done?_

"I think I need to sit down." House ambled to the nearest chair and plopped into it. With one hand resting on his throbbing head and the other gripping his knee, he realized he was at the mercy of whatever Cuddy wanted. _I am in no position to argue…God…my head is …on fire…_

The intensity of House's face was all Cuddy could see. _He is in so much pain…I thought taking him here would help him….I don't even know what's going on anymore._

Cuddy felt her body move in slow motion to House's. _I think I am in shock too_. She dropped to her knees gently gripping the side of his jeans. His jeans felt worn and warm. Cuddy's features softened as tears welled in her eyes.

"I think I made a mistake taking you home, House. We never should have come here."

At her words House's met her eyes. They looked bluer than normal. _Tears…He has tears…. _

"Why are you here? God, couldn't you have gone somewhere else?"

Cuddy's heart beat rapidly. House's hands grabbed her shoulders roughly_. Either he is becoming violent or delusional…Neither are good options at this point._

Cuddy let out a soft moan as House's grip on her blouse became tighter. She tried to pry his hands off of her when she heard …_a sob?_

"God, I am so sorry. This is all my fault… Please tell him I'm sorry…"

Cuddy felt his grip relax as she reached out to touch him. _Maybe a touch of humanity will heal his breaking heart…_

House embraced her hand caressing it against his scorching hot skin.

"I am so sorry."

Cuddy sighed. _Me too._

* * *

She doesn't remember how it happened or when but with opened eyes she finds herself gazing at the ceiling of House's bedroom. Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes she looks to her patient. He is buried under a mound of covers, freezing. _I must have helped him to bed and we both fell_ _asleep...I am such a fool..._ Cuddy brushed her hand to his forehead. House let out a whimper. _God, he is on fire._ With a shaking hand, she realizes that she is not capable of being objective or even capable of caring for another human being. _My perceptions are askew. This is all a dream…I pray…_

Cuddy sat up and ran her hands through Greg's matted hair. His breath is quickening…_because of me or something else?_

Within moments his eyes fluttered opened. That look was the same one he had when ….Cuddy stopped the thought.

He shot up unaware of his surroundings. His hand flew to his racing heart as the breaths were coming in quicker and shorter.

"House? It's Ok. You're safe. You're home now." He turned to face her. _Amber?_

His hand reached out to a bewildered Cuddy. "Stay with me."

Cuddy let the tears fall. "I will." She saw him slipping away. "But not alone."

Before she could make a call, the reverie was broken by a pounding door. Cuddy breathed a sigh of relief. _Please let it be Wilson._

House's grip on her hand was tight. _He is afraid to let me go…let someone go…_

"House, I will be right back. "

House shook his head. "Not letting you go. Not this time". Cuddy began to pry her skin from the contact.

"I need to get the door.

House perked up. _Door? No door … door equals slipping away_.

His grip became tighter.

"I am not letting you fall. Stay with me."

Cuddy found this a fruitless battle of wits and she was clearly losing. _He is locked in a scene I can't understand…one he can't comprehend rationally…._

The pounding subsided and Cuddy feared whomever it was had left. She was mistaken. The sound of a key entering a lock confirmed Cuddy's suspicions that it must be Wilson. The bedroom door opened allowing flecks of light to enter the darkness House and Cuddy dwelled in.

"Thank God it's you…I can't do this al…"

Wilson ignored Cuddy marching right up to House.

"Why the hell was she with you, you son of a bitch!"

House stared straight up at Wilson. _With me? Don't worry_, he turned to Cuddy, _she is safe now._

"Answer me!"

"Wilson…he's delirious…"

Wilson wanted no excuses. "Drugs right…drinking…who cares if I just tried to kill myself, dragging everyone else down with me." He paused seeing the look in House's eyes. "How could you?" _After everything…how could you?_

In a blind rage, he grabbed House's shirt causing him to lose his grip on Cuddy. The scream that escaped his lips was nothing Cuddy had ever heard before.

"What the hell are you doing to him?"

Wilson gripped House's sweat soaked t-shirt returning the pined expression. He had no words for his friend.

Cuddy laid a hand on his shoulder. _Wilson…Wilson is in shock too…_

"I had her. Why did you take her away?"

Wilson let go of House's shirt and let the older man stare blankly at his hands.

"No matter what you did or didn't do…. this is all your fault."

House nodded weakly comprehending the impact of the words. _Words and actions_…_what actions?_ "I know."

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Please review!! I need to know what you are all thinking. Should I continue? Good or bad reviews are OK. Thanks for reading….


	4. Chapter 4

One For the Team

**Chapter 4**

**Disclaimer: I do not own House or Indiana Jones for that matter. Let me get a tissue and cry a bit.**

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House opened his eyes taking in his new surroundings. He wrinkled his nose in disgust. _Yes indeed I am back in Princeton Plainsboro._ _There's no smell like home.._ . He tried his best to pull his body into a sitting position.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?"

House turned in the direction of the voice. He grinned at Cuddy. "Well, you did tell me I couldn't sit still in a hospital right?"

Cuddy was not as easily amused. She grabbed his chart off the end of his bed high heels clicking in a steady rhythm. "I am tired of going through these adventures with you."

House placed his arms behind his head and leaned back into the stiff pillow trying to get comfortable. "Well I do like to think of myself as Indiana Jones with my trusting sidekick." He paused and eyed his friend up and down.

"Well, you're not short," he continued to gaze, "but you are definitely round."

Cuddy slammed the chart down on his foot.

"Ow!"

Cuddy pretended to be upset. "I am so sorry. Did I hurt you?"

House scrunched his features faking a pitiful cry. "Yes."

Cuddy leaned into his face. "Too bad" she whispered loud enough for only him to hear. _Keep it up Cuddy_…

House blinked rapidly and gave her a few downward glances. He looks so lost like that…_Damn him…_

He absentmindedly began to pick at the crisp linen he was unfortunately becoming accustomed to.

"How's Wilson?"

Cuddy suddenly found the linen as entertaining as House.

"He's with Amber."

At Amber's name, House's head shot up. "She's …alive?"

Cuddy shrugged. "Barely. There were many contusions and blood loss…"

House interjected, "Yeah, plus the whole dying thing."

Cuddy knew he was attempting to be lighthearted, but his voice was full of sadness.

"What room did you say she was in?"

Cuddy smirked. _I know where this is going_. "I didn't and I won't. You are confined to bed rest, Mister. "

"But Mommy, I don't have anything to play with." _If I keep whining like a spoiled brat maybe I'll get something I want. _

Cuddy who had turned to leave at that point turned in long slow strides causing parts of House to ache _in a good way._

She bent low, _low enough for me to peek_…then she handed him some manila folders.

"Feel free to catch up on some paperwork if you really want to do something."

House swiped the folders mumbling, "Not what I had in mind."

Cuddy walked away smirking_. I have one up on him._

House watched her leave with her satisfied grin. _Not for long, Cuddles…_

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House pretend to be going through the files he was given but in all honesty sitting still staring at words was beginning to make his head feel as if elephants had crushed his brain. He pinched the bridge of his nose. _I need to get the hell out of here._ House looked around. Luckily there weren't many people in the ICU where he was currently stationed. _One, two, three tops… how many nurses_? Counting to five was quickly becoming a hassled chore. He looked around again. They all seemed occupied except for one…

"Can I help you Dr. Hoses?"

House smiled. _Perfect. "Y_es, I have a really dry throat. Is it possible to get something to drink?"

The nurse picked up the plastic pot of water next to the bed. House grimaced whistled slowly. "That wasn't really what I had in mind."

The Nurse _what the hell was her name anyway_? wasn't crumbling. _Come on blue eyes_ _do your magic_.

"That is all I can give you."

House sighed and picked up the cup rocking it back and froth in his hand. "I really want a soda. I just died for Pete's sake. Haven't I been through enough? You were there. You saw it… oh well I guess I can…"

The nurse, clearly frustrated, ripped the cup out of his hand and slunk away.

"Thank you," House called sweetly after her.

Once she was out of site he began to remove the tubes and gadgets confining him to the bed. _I'm coming Wilson..._

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Wilson stood mesmerized with Amber's breathing. He had his arms folded over his chest_. I let you in…don't leave me now,.._

Wilson heard a door swish behind him and immediately knew who it was.

"What the hell are you doing out of bed?"

House limped until he was at Wilson's side. "Hello to you too." "

The two men stared down at the beautiful disaster in front of them.

"How is she? "House whispered.

"Sleeping ", was the returned response.

House nodded. _Denial…stage one…_

"Why was she with you?"

"I don't know." _I sound rushed….in denial myself over a fragment …a memory… hallucination…_

"I need for you to know."

Blue eyes met sorrowful brown ones. _I need to know too, Wilson._

House kept his eyes on his best friend. .

"Let's start at the beginning. Let's go back to the bar."

**Hope you like it. You are all so amazing. The reviews are wonderful and encourage me to write much quicker…trust me! Also for bonus points, anyone out there know what movie and whom I was referencing with House's Indiana Jones snark to Cuddy? **

**Up next: Wilson asks House for a sacrifice.**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Disclaimer: I do not own House. Thank you so much for all the reviews! I will keep posting as long as I keep getting them. My goal is to get 10 reviews a chapter? Can we do it? Yes we can!! (Sorry Bob the Builder crept in there somehow. Oh, and I don't own him either!)**

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"What the hell are we doing here again?"

House gave a sideways glance to his friend and coconspirator.

"Maybe we shouldn't have come here."

House tapped his cane impatiently as if attacking each word Wilson just stated.

"Yes, we should have."

"Cuddy will have your ass when she finds out."

House scoffed. "God, I hope so!"

Wilson seemed disgusted. _Disgusted with me….rage is boiling within…._

Wilson looked at his watch under House's keen eyes. _He's calculating his time_. House sighed. …_I have all the time. I measure mine with coffee spoons_.

"Besides…," _Wilson broke my reverie…_

"Can you just shut up and cross the street with me?" _I am tired of looking on the outside._

Wilson agreed reluctantly. His brown hair blowing peacefully in the wind. _Hair blowing…._

House shut his eyes for a moment when a car horn shocked him back.

"For Christ's sake, cripple here!"

Wilson shook his head. House grew silent. _Too close to home for him…damn my mouth…_

"Well we reached the other side, now what?" House pursed his lips_. The other side_ _indeed._ Suddenly he felt his heart racing. _I don't know…can I..do ..this? _

"House? House are you Ok?"

House looked to his friend with a small, sad smile. _That was the first time you asked me…_

"Besides the skull fracture, I'm just peachy." _Skull fractures are a bitch._

"What kind of bar is open at 2 o'clock in the afternoon?"

House raised his cane outlining the graffiti marked walls and taking in the overwhelming stench of urine coming from the walls.

"My kind."

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The bar was almost as House recalled from his hypnosis session with Chase. Less people a lot less, but that was to be expected. At this time of day it was mainly hookers, and alcoholics. Wilson must have read his mind.

"This place is filled with alcoholics. Drinking in the afternoon hours is a sure sign." House took the jibe in stride.

"I drank after 5 pm so I am excluded."

Wilson sighed. _I just wish you would try to help yourself….I can no longer do it for you…I have my own problem once again caused by your making…_

Wilson clenched his fists as his side without realizing it. House took note.

"Easy, tiger."

Wilson eyed his friend_. Friend…still? _

The bartender was there from that night.

"Hey," the bartender turned toward the voice and watched trouble head his way.

"Do you remember me?"

The bartender smirked. "Pretty hard to forget."

House wondered what that meant.

"By the way, here are your keys." House grinned. "Thanks. Where is she?"

The bartender chuckled. "How the hell should I know? Probably became some urinal for the fuckers that drink too much."

House shivered involuntarily at the thought.

"Yeah…anyway. When I was here," _God, I do not want to ask this_.., "Did you see me with anyone else? A young woman perhaps?"

The bartender thought this was quite funny.

House licked his lips. "Glad you find this amusing, but I need to know. This woman is missing. Maybe someone kidnapped her from **your** bar. Wouldn't want to have some officials come in here now would you?"

The man grew silent and swallowed hard. "No. There was no women anywhere near you." House sighed. _I am getting no where._

"Thanks for your time." House and Wilson were about to leave when the man recalled something. "You did seem to see someone you recognized outside the bar, but I don't' know if it was a woman or not. " House nodded his gratitude and limped to the front door with Wilson on his heels.

The two stood outside. The wind blew ever so softly. The sound of a bus could be heard coming down the street. The exhaust fumes were strong and familiar. House closed his eyes.

_**Flashback**_

_Here I am alone again. Bastard Wilson…._House downed another shot _Wish _, tried to shake the forbidden thought from his head, _wish I had someone too_… On that note he asked for a beer. Definitely something a bit more than a shot. He had lost count of the amount of shots he had taken and the beer was making him feel tingly. _Tingly…such a_ _silly word_. He began to chuckle. The bartender noticed.

"Hey, pal. How are you getting home tonight?"

House's blue eyes glinted mischievously. "Such concern for my well being." He slurred.

"I think your answer lies here?" House had withdrawn his bike keys. He blinked once and they were gone and in the hands of the barkeep.

"Not tonight. You're taking the bus."

"Killjoy, "House muttered taking another swig his attention momentarily drawn to the door. He squinted not quite sure if he saw who he thought he did. _What the hell is she doing here?_

He grabbed his cane and threw down several bills hoping that would cover his tab.

"I'll be back tomorrow for the keys."

The barkeep shrugged. "Whatever."

House opened the door, "Hey!"

The woman walking down the street spun around.

"I thought I recognized that annoying voice."

House smirked. "Wasn't sure if was you since half of you is missing."

Amber seemed fidgety. "I had work."

House narrowed his eyes. _She's lying._

"Are you stalking me?"

Amber's cheeks flushed a pale pink, "You are stalking me."

_**End of flashback**_

"House?"

House damned Wilson for ending his vision. Without drugs this was becoming harder to do.

"She was here…outside the bar, going somewhere…"

"She wasn't with you?" House heard the tone and what it implied.

"Not exactly."

Wilson was confused. "Either she was or she wasn't?"

House pivoted to face Wilson. _A standoff…._

"What? Do you think I was having an affair with her? I was not having an affair with her!"

Passerbys on the street shot him dirty looks.

"Oh like you are so perfect." House retorted to the onlookers. _Come on…someone stop and argue with the man and his cane._

Wilson was about to protest when he felt his beeper go off. He reached down and read the number.

"I have to go. It's about Amber."

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Please review. I want o know your thoughts. For those who did last time thank you so much! I am glad you like it so far. The movie was Temple of Doom and the sidekick was Shortround for anyone paying attention! New question: does anyone know the name fo the TS Elliot poem House quoted from "measuring life with coffee spoons?" Points given!

**Up next: House sees Amber and realizes he needs a bit of help recalling his memories. Do you think he will choose people or pills? Take a guess but I can't tell….**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**Disclaimer: I do not own House**.

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House felt like an invader as he witnessed Wilson's grieving face over Amber's bloddy body.

"She crashed, Dr. Wilson, but we brought her back." The attending said. Wilson simply nodded.

He slid in carefully next to his beloved caressing her hair and forehead with his lips. House averted his eyes . _Maybe I should leave._

"House…"

House's head shot up. _Anything , Wilson._

"Save her."

House nodded. _I will do my best._

His office lacked personality. The new team mingled outside his world. _Not like the others…not as close…I can't be close to anyone…_

He stared at the white board twirling the black marker between his thumb and forefinger. _Answers are somewhere_. He swallowed . _Answers are in me._

"Hey."

Her voice broke his daydreaming and train of thought. _Thank God Cuddy I was about to start the self pity party.. _

He returned his attention to the board avoiding the sadness that dwelled in her blue eyes. _Sad and disappointed. My actions are to be expected. _

"Why aren't you beating with into submission?"

Cuddy smirked taking note of the tone in which it was said. "I thought you might like it so I decided against it."

House grinned_. Sorry Cuddy, no comment this time. _

Cuddy knew the lack of response was a dangerous sign. The low sound of clicking heels raided House's thoughts urging him _distracting me…_

She sat down next to him. Her close proximaty was unnerving in his current state of mind. _Either Cuddy didn't' notice or she doesn't care._ _Maybe she wants me in a better place. I am not worthy of it…_

Cuddy reached out and began to stroke House's knee. House closed his eyes taking in her scent and wishing his defenses were stronger. He gazed down to her slender fingers kneeding him and felt his body giving in. With closed eyes and a silent swear to himself he gently removed her hand. Cuddy looked surprised. _Perhaps I have crossed a boundary._

"I'm sorry." _Her platitudes are not what I need to hear._

House looked to her his heart beating. _I needed to do that before we crossed a line we_ _can't go back on._ His head still felt as if it was being stabbed with a million needles.

"You really should be resting." Her voice is filled with resignation. She no longer knows what to say.

As House held his throbbing head he spoke in between shuddered gasps. "I would love nothing more than to crawl into bed with you but now is not the …time." The last word came out in a whimper releasing a pained moan from Cuddy.

"House , please." House was holding her hand tightly. _Don't let go of me…. _

"You're going home."

House 's red rimmed eyes stared deeply into hers. "Not alone I'm not."

* * *

Cuddy held onto House's arm guiding him, _like I am some kind of invalid_… followed close behind by Chase.

Chase took in the appearance of House's apartment., brushing a strain of blond hair away from his eyes.

"I must say, House, this is the last place I expected to be today. Drugs not doing it for you anymore?"

House took note of the bitterness in Chase's words. _Damn kid and his attachment to me._

"Thought I give ménage a tois a try. Needed a new high." _God talking hurts my head what the hell would hypnosis do to it?_

Chase sighed deeply. "Are you sure you want to put yourself through this again?"

House swept his eyes around the room placing them on anything besides the look Chase was giving him.

"Don't have a choice."

Chase looked to Cuddy begging her to release House from the guilt he was obviously feeling.. She said nothing. _She is doing nothing. This could kill him. _

Chase sat down on the chair across from House. He knew there was no turning back and set out to begin the invasion.

House opened his eyes lost so deep in his own mind that the pain even seemed to subside for the moment.

"We are back at the bar." Chase states matter of fact. House nodded. He reached out a hand caressing the bar stools, taking in their texture.

"Why are we here again?" House' s heart beat faster at the voice.

"Amber." He turned to face her. "Why don't you tell me?"

She appeared annoyed. "I wasn't in here remember? I was outside the bar."

House remembered. "Right, saying I was stalking you or something.. You were lying about something."

"Amber" was growing annoyed. "You think everyone is lying."

"That's because they usually are."

"Amber" scoffed. "You're an idiot."

Now it was House's ruined to scoff. "What?"

"Amber" ignored the chuckle coming out of his mouth as the anger overtook her. "I wasn't lying about anything. Were you?"

House grew quiet.

"Why didn't you objectify me?"

Sweat began to form on House's temples as he carefully brushed them away.

"No reason."

"Amber's eyes narrowed. "There is always a reason."

"Now, I know that is me talking not you."

"Amber" grinned. "Of course. I'm not here remember?"

"What is she saying?"

House kept his eyes on Amber taking in Chase's words.

"Nothing. Let's get the hell out of here."

* * *

"Why are we here?"

House blinked taking in the bright lights and heart thumping music.

"Because I like strippers. Come here, Chase and see Cuddy at her best."

Chase sat down next to House. Cuddy folded her arms over her chest.

"I am not stripping for you."

House smiled and stared at her leeringly. "No matter. You already did it once ."

Cuddy's mouth fell open in disgust as she took a seat on the other side of House.

The three sat and waited as a beautiful young woman with dark hair stopped in front of House.

"It's you again. Not going to bleed all over me again are you?"

House smirked. "Nope."

Chase looked incredulous. "You know her?" The realization dawned on him. "You came here after accident." A low chuckle escaped Chase's lips.

House shrugged. "So?"

"Unbelievable. Most people go to triage after an accident but you…you go to a strip club."

House tried to be amusing. "I' m resilient."

"Hey, are you going to talk or not. What do you want anyway?"

The young woman seemed uneasy.

"I want to get my 20.00 worth."

The woman's eyes flared as she began her dance.

"Do you remember anything else about me being here?"

The woman thought about it. "Well, one of the barkeeps heard you crying in the bathroom."

House 's heart stopped. _Crying?_

"Are you sure it was me?"

The woman shrugged. "That's what I heard. You kept washing your hands and muttering something about blood and trying to figure out something before it was too late. You keep mentioning someone named Wilson and how he needed to know something."

"Like what?"

The woman shrugged again. " Maybe you were having an affair with her."

House's temper flared. "I was not having an affair!"

"Then why can't you objectify me?"

_Amber_.

Cuddy's eyes looked sad._..pitiful…_

"You just kept calling for him and somebody named Cuddy."

Cuddy looked to House a question in her eyes. House ignored her.

"Thanks"

The three of them got up to leave. "Hey I'm not done dancing."

House's blue eyes twinkled. "Forget it." His thumb jerked to Cuddy. "She was better."

* * *

House and the others were instantly in his living room again. House' s breathing was shallow but his head surprisingly didn't hurt as much.

Chase folded his hands resting them under his chin taking in the events of the day. "What now?"

House swung his bad leg to the side of the couch. "I need to see Amber."

.

**Hope you liked. Please keep up the reviews. Thank you so much for reading!! For those who were wondering, the poem was the Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock. Should I keep going?**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own. Can't wait for tomorrow!!**

_

* * *

_

God she looked like shit.

House felt a slight twinge of guilt for even thinking something like that at a time like this, but hell it was the truth. The doctors seemed to have done their best wiping her clean, but dried blood caked around her mouth and cheeks made her look like a runway model gone seriously wrong. House took in a deep breath and decided that now was a better time than not to speak to his friend.

"She was rubbing her leg."

Wilson raised his resting head to stare at his friend. House could tell he had been crying himself to sleep.

"Her leg? So? What the hell does that mean anyway?"

House limped toward Wilson thumping his cane as gently as he could against the floor.

"Maybe nothing. Maybe a sign of a blood clot."

Wilson pulled himself to a seated position rubbing the sleep away from his eyes.

"A blood clot? She doesn't seem to be at risk for one."

House shrugged. "I know it's a long shot, but…"

Wilson noticed the "but" in that sentence. "You think she should be tested for it."

House nodded. "I do."

Wilson got up and kept his gaze on House. House felt uncomfortable at how close to him Wilson had become. "What if you're wrong? What if we put here through these tests and that's not it at all?"

Wilson's eyes welled with unshed tears. "She's dying…I need to know."

House took in the sight before him. He knew there was more to Wilson's statement _hiding in the dark corners…lingering for me and him…_

"You want me to find out by going deeper into my subconscious, don't you?"

Wilson said nothing.

"You want me to risk my life…_again_….to save Amber's?"

At this direct confrontaiotn the veil was pulled aside.

"Yes."

House closed his eyes massaging his hands along his temples. Saying nothing he left Wilson alone to grieve along with the beeping monitors.

* * *

"I need Chase."

Cuddy looked up at House.

"I need ice cream, but sometimes we can't get what we want."

House scanned the room trying not to be annoyed.

"No, I want Chase to do an operation."

Cuddy put her pen down on her desk looking concerned.

"On who? Amber was just taken care of and there's no one else…."

As her voice trailed off, her worst fear came to realization. "No. You are not getting your brain scrambled just to find out anymore than what we have."

House leaned in to her trying to appeal to her humanity. "I need to know."

Cuddy bit her lower lip. "No, you want to know. You can figure things out …things that are needed to save Amber are all in front of you." At this she leaned in close enough to feel the warmth of his breath on her rosy cheeks. "**You** need to know if it is more than that."

House closed his eyes at her admission. _She said out loud what I refuse to accept. Damn it…._

"Yes…and I need to know if it was a blood clot."

Cuddy wrinkled her nose. "Blood clot? How the hell did you come to that conclusion?"

House stood up. "Are you sure you and Wilson aren't having an affair because you two sure sound alike."

With that he was gone.

* * *

Chase wiped his brow persperating from the blinding lights above. Just as he was about to cut into a patient, the surgery doors could be heard opening.

"Hey, you can't come in here!"

Chase closed his eyes. _Only one person is banned from here…_

"House what do you want? Can't this wait? I'm in the middle of something…"

House shook his head making sure to keep his scrubs and mask on all the while. "Yeah me to,." he whistled.. "trying to save a patient's life."

"What do you think I'm doing?"

House grabbed Chase away from the man on the table. "You are going to help me remember."

"What about him?"

A young doctor pointed to the patient. House raised his eyebrows…_whoops can't forget about him…_

"How long have you been a doctor?"

The man froze. "Three years."

House shrugged. "So you've seen how this goes. You can do it. I have complete faith in you."

With that Chase and House were gone leaving the young surgeon bewildered .

* * *

"You can't be serious? Brain stimulation?"

House wrapped the surgical gown around his body. _Don't be against me now Chase or I will make your life a living hell…_

"Stop this right now!"

_Uh oh, here comes an angry Cuddles…_

"What are you doing?"

House sat down in the chair and began to get ready for the procedure that could change everything…

"Getting liposuction. Some people thought my brain had gotten too big."

Cuddy was not amused. "Not your brain..your eg…"

House squeezed his eyes shut and spoke loudly over her words. " Stop! You can't say penis in here!"

Cuddy sighed.

"House?"

House looked into her beautiful face. _God, Cuddy I am scared shitless. _

"I need …"

She backed away. "I know. You need to do this. For who? You? Amber?"

The next words out of House's mouth Cuddy never forgot. "Nope. For Wilson." His eyes cast downward at his newest confession. "And you God forbid it was needed."

Cuddy's eyes glistened. "Please be careful." _I love you._

"I will." _Me too._

With that, Greg House 's world went black.

**

* * *

**

Well hope you guys like it. Sorry so short. Thank you so much for the reviews! Please keep reviewing! I normally don't write this fast! I will be replying to everyone's as soon as I can. Up next: Houe sees the truth…or does he?

**Can he lie under hypnosis?-Wilson**

**No, but I can be mistaken.-House**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own House. He following takes place while House is under. Italics are still his thoughts. **

_In House's Head_

"House?"

House extended his arm in front of him. He was reaching into the sunlight only to reach out and touch someone else.

"Excuse me. Watch where you put your hands, perv." House focused his eyes to see Amber.

"How drunk are you?"

House returned the quip. "How sick are you?"

Amber's brow furrowed. "What?"

House took his hand and gingerly touched her leg. "You were rubbing your leg…why?"

"It was itchy."

House shook his head. "Not good enough." He paused …_God I love dramatics_… It's a blood clot."

Amber looked annoyed. "Blood clot? Why in God's name would I have a blood clot?"

House had heard this question plaguing him since the beginning… _blood clot….red…Amber_…. "Deep Vein Thrombosis."

Amber said nothing in her defense. "How?"

House for the first time noticed that they were the only two on the sidewalk and the streets were empty.

"You're pregnant."

Amber unfolded her arms and left them at her sides. "How did you know?"

House inched toward her waiting for her to pull away but she didn't.

"Deep Vein Thrombosis can be triggered from a few culprits. In your case pregnancy seemed the most likely cause."

Amber dropped her head to the pavement. "I was here ….to get some tests done to confirm it at a local clinic. You know, to avoid gossip."

House closed his eyes, his heart racing…_I figured it out_…_we can save her…_

"I'm not keeping it."

House opened his eyes. _But Wilson…._

"You had better not tell anyone about this either because if you do…"

The scene began to warp in front of House taking him to his office with a seductive Amber straddling him…_heart beating…chest close to his face…her lips seem so soft…_

"I will tell them about this."

She leans in to kiss him. House pulls away.

"What this?"

Amber looks smug. "Don't tell me you forgot our one night stand. Tsk. Tsk. Bad boy…"

House pushes her off his lap and begins to pace rapidly.

"No..." _God no_…" That's not true. I didn't have an affair."

"How would you know for sure? Remember I am in your head. I can't lie to you."

House looked to her…_no but you can be mistaken…._

"I don't believe you."

Amber shrugged losing interest. "Believe what you want." Her voice was like ice s she trailed a finger over his chest. "Besides it's not like you haven't done it before. "

House ran a hand over his mouth_. Shit. Crandall_ He felt tears that he thought were banished many nights ago…_crying over my father's inflicting pain …crying over Cuddy and Stacy…over_ _my fucking leg…now_…He looked into her, his blue eyes begging for forgiveness..

"I am so sorry." He said in a raspy voice.

* * *

_Back in the operating room_

Cuddy had been watching the entire procedure from behind the glass. Her hand was touching the barrier that separated her from House. _Too much separates us_. She saw House flinching in his seat. Her blue eyes squinted. _Is he crying?_

Then the operating room became a blur of activity. House was seizing.

_

* * *

_

The room was spinning….

House could feel his body in repose but couldn't quite find the strength to move it. The monitors and their incessant beeping only confirmed that he was once again in a hospital bed.

He felt a small breeze brush his parched lips. He could barely open his eyes.

_Cuddy._

She looked so beautiful. _Always beautiful_…House continued to breathe. _Barely…_

His senses were highly alert to every sound, touch and taste. _Cuddy's perfume…lilacs, her sorrowful …disappointed? Expression and her…hand? _

In a moment of unguarded emotions, she had grasped his hand. Small soothing circles ran over his palm releasing a response of wonder, joy, and sheer bliss.

"Why?" Her voice was so soft as if disturbing the silence would be the end of his existence. "Why do you do these things to yourself? Do you hate yourself that much? Do you feel that you aren't worthy of happiness?" House blinked. _Sounds like Stacy_…

"Whatever you think…" she continued, trying desperately to keep her emotions in check. "Whatever you did or didn't' do ...it doesn't matter...not now. You can't help Amber lying in a hospital bed…dying." The word spat out with such venom House nearly shuddered.

"Wilson is not the only one who stands to lose here." Cuddy bit her lower lip…_Why can't I say the words he needs to here?_

House wished he could respond. _There's so much to tell Cuddy….I don't want to disappoint. _

Cuddy sighed praying for an answer, anything at all. That's when she felt House squeeze her hand.

**

* * *

**

I hope you all like. I apologize for the shortness and choppiness of it. I am trying to my best to get it done or mostly done before tonight. Please review. I love to know your thoughts. Like it hate it? Trying my best at this time.

**Up next: Did House have an affair or did his mind trick him into thinking he did out of the guilt he feels about Amber's pain?**

**House confronts Wilson…. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**Disclaimer: I do not own House. WHEEE it is finally Monday!!**

I would also like to thank Television without Pity's forums and speculation thread for inspiring this story as well.

* * *

Cuddy leaned down and allowed a few tears to fall on House's cheeks_. He had squeezed_ _my hand_. "Can you hear me?"

House's blue eyes had lost their sarcasm, their glint. They were serene and almost noble. Cuddy's heart skipped a beat.

"What's the matter? Do you know what's wrong with Amber?"

House nodded. "Yes."

Cuddy noticed his struggle to sit up. "I really think you should stay here. You just had a grand mal seizure…"

House continued to ignore her and began the process of releasing his body from the entangled cords…_strangling me…yet keeping me safe for the time being…not for long with what I am about to do…_

He pulled the last IV out of his hand and kept his grip on Cuddy's. "I'm gonna need some help."

It was then that he began the mundane task of dressing himself. Although on a normal day, this would have been the perfect opportunity to flirt with his favorite Dean of Medicine, now was not the time. His muscles ached and his body cried for rest. Thoughts of his memories resurfaced. _Amber's pregnant with Wilson's baby? She_ _doesn't want it…normally I could care less, but…Wilson…Wilson would never forgive her if he found out and she never told him. They would never have a chance._

Cuddy watched House as he went through the motions of putting on socks and pants. She tried to help him, steady him and keep him sane from whatever plagued him. _He saw_ _something…and it's killing him inside. But what?_ House didn't need words at this time. Her touch along his body were enough to subside his demons. _If only for a moment...If I could tell her that…_ he continued on as fast as possible to his impending doom.

* * *

A freshly dressed House along with Cuddy at his side …._my crutch_…. m_y touchstone_…edged their way into Amber's room.

"Deep Vein Thrombosis."

Wilson turned his head to greet his visitors. _God House looked like shit. What have I done?_

"Will…will she be OK?"

House looked to the bed at the stirring Amber. "Why don't you ask her?"

Amber's eyes opened wide and lit up when she saw Wilson at her side. "James?"

Wilson was relieved and overjoyed at hearing his name. _Who could have thought one word could cause such a response?_

"Hey, I'm here." _Always will be no matter what_." How are you?"

House rolled his eyes at Wilson's platitudes. "Come on, she was nearly killed in a bus accident. How do you think she feels?"

Wilson looked up at House's hovering form. "I can take care of it from here, House." He paused afraid to meet his friend's eyes. "Thanks."

House knew Wilson's questions weren't over and neither were House's answers.

"House," I_ hear you Wilson, but I can't look at you…can't betray you with my_ _eyes… "_How did Amber get deep Vein Thrombosis? There are only a few causes for it. How did you figure that out?"

House avoided Wilson's eyes and looked to Amber. Her eyes were filled with pleading…._fear of the truth…Amber the truth will set you free but it will also kill him…what I am about to do will kill him too…the lesser of two evils I suppose_…

_Here comes the worst part_. He grabbed her chart scanning it for...something? Cuddy watched wondering…dreading the worst. He seemed relieved and distressed at what he saw. His eyes so beautiful and sad looked to her and she offered a smile of encouragement for whatever he was about to do.

_It's now or never_…"I kissed Amber."

Wilson blinked rapidly shock setting in. _No, House…what?_

"Why…why are you telling me this?"

"I came on to your girlfriend when I was drunk. While in the throws of my seductive nature, I noticed her rubbing her leg and ...knew."

_Wilson please be distracted by my words…not the meaning….not the true cause…_

House wasn't prepared for what happen next. Fists collided with his face and he ended up on the ground. He could taste the blood as Wilson tasted the betrayal.

"You're an ass."

House nodded. _No sarcasm, no defending_. "I'm so sorry," he whispered.

Wilson released a bitter laugh. "No, you're not."

Amber took in the whole event. Her eyes met House's full of tears…gratitude …at his lie. _I did my best to save you and Wilson, Amber. Don't screw it up._

Cuddy ran to House's side, "Oh, God, are you OK?"

House took her waiting hand to help him stand. His body trembled under her touch. Cuddy took note. _He's unsettled… what just happened here?_

House didn't wait for security. He let himself out the door, pausing only once to see the lovers embrace.

"You didn't kiss her did you?"

House stared at the window pane in front of him taking in Cuddy's question. _The mirror never lies…_

"No."

"You had other reasons for lying to him didn't you?"

House gazed at Cuddy. _Her innocence and loyalty were priceless….Never change_…

He tried his best to grin. "One for the team, Cuddy. I just took one for the team."

House began limping away from Cuddy, security_, alone._

"House! Do you want to some company? I just..._stay with me_...don't want you to be alone."

House's eyes revealed the answer that never came.

Cuddy sighed as she watched him leave her behind again. _We all took one for the team, House. We all did. _

_**The End (?)**_

**Love it, Hate it? I feel that I rushed a bit through it to get it done by today but I hope it was worth it. I know I am evil no House and Cuddy get together but hopefully that just makes you want more right? Maybe after tonight we will see about a sequel. Thanks for the reviews everyone and please let me know your thoughts on this too. Once again sorry so short and rushed but you get my point right? **


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